Problems

Here is the Mind-food version of my most recent podcast from "The Human Experience" which you can listen to on Spotify-

If you would prefer to listen to the podcast, click here.

Problems, we all have them, absolutely no one’s life is completely problem free, certainly not from their own perspective. We might like to look at other people who have something that we desire and imagine that it is easier for them or that it's problem free, but it's not true. Absolutely no one is exempt from this part of the human experience.

This is a precursor to my next podcast & blog, which is called “The Messy Middle”. It was actually while I was doing the work for that, that I realized for it to make sense, I actually needed to talk about problems first.

So, what is a problem? why is it a problem? Who decides if something's a problem or not? How does our relationship with problems impact how we engage with them?

I think the most helpful place to start is identifying what the general consensus is regarding what the term problems means. Amongst all of the meanings offered to me when I googled that word, this was the definition that was most concise and clear to me. It said, "a problem is a question proposed for a solution."

Now, the human brain is designed to always be on the lookout for problems. In our past, at its most basic, that would have equated to anything that made our lives more difficult, harmful, or unsafe.

In today's world of course, this feature is not as helpful as it used to be, because we are exposed to a much wider environment through newspapers, TV, social media, and today's problems are often unrelated to us or our immediate environmental exposure, and often does not pose any direct risk or threat at all.

The only reason anything is a problem is because we as either the individual or a collective have decided it's problem. Problems are very personalised, they are subjective, they are not facts. What one person considers a problem, another person will not, this often creates conflict in close relationships.  I think it is a problem that dishes are left in the sink rather than put in the dishwasher, my husband does not. :)

A problem is an idea that we have about something. As an example, when I'm riding a horse, I think horse rearing as a problem. Like seriously as far as I'm concerned, it's a problem. However, I have a friend who experiences rearing as no problem at all.

We as individuals decide what is a problem for us and this is the very reason that our relationship with problems matter. Do you think problems are a problem? or are they just something to navigate like shopping.

We all know people whose relationship with problems is to simply ignore them or avoid them. You know, they might drink, use drugs, overeat, undereat, in reality just adding layers of problems to the original problem. Avoiding problems will eventually result in a crisis that can no longer be ignored.

Some people prefer to perceive problems as issues that need to be gotten rid of as quickly as possible, or as a different Google definition stated, a problem is a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome, unwanted, and needing to be overcome. This thought process is likely to result in actions that would be less considered, as painless as possible.

The human motivational triad mentioned in an earlier podcast, drives unintentional short-term relief, like a band-aid on a cancer spot, rather than a long-term solution that would get the cancer spot removed.

This never fully solves the problem and maintains a state of long-term discomfort on some level, which causes overall a much less satisfying experience.

If, however, your relationship with problems is viewed through the lens of curiosity, like solving a crossword puzzle, you would likely dig deeper, you know, look for more information, talk to others to access possibilities, think it through and maybe try out possible solutions, with the final result being the removal of a cancer spot.

The long term and the more effective solution are often the most drawn out, the most uncomfortable. It often relies on collaboration with others, and it feels harder. Yet it is more permanent and overall has less of a negative impact. The reality is, we all most likely at times engage in a variety of

the above options, dependent on the context of what we perceive the problem is, and how long we have allowed it to be a problem for and what else is impacting us on the day.

Knowing our ourselves, our default patterns, is helpful so that when they are in play, we can interrupt them and choose intentionally. Being aware of our thoughts and our feelings about problems as a whole is the first step to, because if we have this information, we can then consider this knowledge about ourselves when we are faced with a major challenge and that allows us to self-manage around it to maximize more helpful results.

So, imagine if we all thought a problem was just an opportunity for personal growth. Now of course this would only be possible if you were a person who valued personal growth and there is a previous podcast on values there somewhere and their impact on our human experience.

As we move through problems if we allow it we will notice the helpful and or the unhelpful thought patterns and processes, identifying these allows us to build on the helpful and begin to dismantle the less helpful, resulting over time in better and more practiced, long-term problem solution resolution.

So, the final conundrum here is that of course not all problems are within our control to influence or change and in this context, can you find acceptance or does your relationship with problems see you exhaust yourself trying to change something you have no power to change? So, identifying and understanding the specific nature of a problem is the first step what is your limit of control or influence to solve it, is it your problem to solve? or is it someone else’s.

Building a relationship with problems that improves the chances of effective short- and long-term results and doesn't add unnecessary misery or suffering is the goal. Is it possible that problems solving can be fun, the trial and error of it might be interesting.

So, if you have a specific problem in mind at the moment, honestly feel free to provide more details and I'll do my best to assist you. All you need to do is just go to my website www.pampoole.co.nz and book a free call with me in person. Alright my friends, have a great week and I'll see you later. Bye for now.

                                                                                                    PS.

We all need a space that allows us to be seen and heard. To share our thoughts and feelings without fear of bias, consequence, rejection, or judgement. A safe space to re-evaluate, explore, reflect, and process. A space where we don’t have to consider another person, we can just be ourselves, a space that allows us to find our own answers, because we are individuals, and one solution does not fit all.

A solution is just a conversation away.

If you would like to chat with me in person just book a free call.