The messy middle.
Here is the Mind-food version of my most recent podcast from "The Human Experience" which you can listen to on Spotify-
If you would prefer to listen to the podcast, click here.
The Messy Middle.
Hi everybody, so good to be back although I've really enjoyed my two weeks off to be honest with you. I hope you had a wonderful time for Christmas and New Year and that you also got to take a bit of a break.
If you don't already know me my name is Pam Poole my website is www.pampoole.co.nz and I'm a certified life coach.
What is the messy middle?
Well in my view it's the space between where we are and where we want to be, the space between what we have and what we want. It is the space where the change or the process of change occurs.
That's whether it's internal, external, usually both at the same time to be fair. Whether we choose it or not, whether we perceive it as negative or positive, the messy middle happens because it always does. There is just no way to escape the messy middle of evolution and change.
The size and the length of the messy varies according to context, timing and individual, but it always exists. It is the space between the comfort of the known, the confidence of the known and the competence of the known of our current now, and the discomfort of self-doubt, skill building and the unknown.
The challenge of the messy middle is why so many people stay stuck. Why people continue to engage in behaviours and relationships that are not healthy or helpful to them.
Some of us find the messy middle less unsettling or challenging than others. It all depends on our relationship with ourselves and with change. Sometimes the messy middle is easier when it's driven by instinct, like learning to walk when we are young. How many times did we all fall? There is not one of us that literally went from crawling to walking without any in between right.
We are often taught as we get older that this process of learning, this falling down and making mistakes and you know whatever else that looks like, that this is failure rather than learning or rather than the journey of success. We're taught that failure is bad. I absolutely disagree with that. I think failure is amazing. I think mistakes are fantastic,they are just a lesson.
Courage is an uncomfortable feeling and yet that is what it takes to intentionally choose to do something that supports us moving forward and our future, and therefore we are intentionally choosing a space of messy in the middle where we're going to have to be willing to experience the discomfort of trial and error.
The thing is, when we're younger, we may have been taught or been expected to know how to do something before we've even been taught how or had an opportunity to learn how, and yet to change or to learn to succeed requires trial and error. Try this, it didn't work. Try that, it didn't work. Try this, ah that worked, next step.
It requires metaphorically falling and getting back up, methodically trying over and over and over again until we've gained enough information, enough skills, enough muscle memory, whether that's mental muscle memory in the form of beliefs or physical muscle memory, to get skilled enough at it
and consistent enough at it that we can then use that as a foundation to uplevel and to learn the next stage or metaphorically in this instance to jog or to run.
Every stage of growth, change or evolution requires this messy middle. It's just not avoidable. If you want to move forward it's going to happen. It's an experience that's going to be part of the process.
Again, looking back at ourselves as babies, we go from lying still to rolling to crawling to pulling ourselves up on something to walking to walking faster etc etc. Now of course that looks a little different for everybody that process, but we all do it in our own way and in between each of those steps or stages is a messy middle.
Without the messy middle of the internal change,there is simply no possibility of experiencing the external differently. As young children, when we're born, we actually naturally accept this process of change or the messy middle, both internal and external, without resistance.
Then we learn to believe that it's meant to be different. We might have learned, it should have been easier or quicker, you know, constantly told to hurry up. Perhaps we were judged or laughed at as we went through that process, right? Or maybe, maybe we were taught to live up to other people's expectations of us rather than our own expectations.
The messy middle is a regular and consistent natural part of the human experience, and letting go of what we are taught to believe, what we learnt to believe about this process and accepting that this is what the messy middle looks like for me, that every human being experiences it, is the way to move through problems and challenges.
All right my friends, if you have questions about this or anything else that comes up for you as a result of these blogs, any questions, any thoughts, any insights, feel free to share.
Pop to my website, www.pampoole.co.nz if you're interested in learning a bit more and while you are there joined my email list.
Thanks a lot guys. Have a great week. I'll talk to you later.
PS.
Life coaching allows you to share your thoughts and feelings without fear of bias, consequence, rejection, or judgement. Life coaching allows you to evaluate, explore, reflect, and process. You don’t have to consider another person; you can just be yourself. Life coaching allows you to find your own answers, to figure out what is right for you because we are individuals, and one solution does not fit all.
