Micro Decisions

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I'm Pam, I'm a life coach. My website is www.pampoole.co.nz This podcast is to share insights and knowledge around what is essentially a part of the human experience for all of us.

It is my hope that by doing this, we can show ourselves a little bit more compassion when we're trying to change, when we're trying to create different results, or when we think we've made mistakes.

Today I want to talk about micro decisions.

I was recently reminded of the importance of micro decisions. To me these are not habits or routine decisions like brushing teeth.

In my world these are the small, non-routine decisions we all make at times. The ones that happen without much thought or awareness. The ones that seem so insignificant that we don't realise how big their impact is. These are the small decisions that are driven by the too hard basket and in the moment that we make them, they appear to make life easier. You know, they appear helpful. They're often a quick fix, impulsive, driven by feeling rushed. They're barely noticeable in the now or memorable upon reflection

It's honestly difficult to connect these micro or small decisions, the consequences of them, to our short- or long-term goals or to times of transitional change, and yet they absolutely do have a connection.

So perhaps you have a result or a goal in your life that you seem to be constantly self-sabotaging, or you take one step forward and two steps back rather than the other way around. Chances are there are some micro-decisions relating to those goals or circumstances that need looking at. I want to give you an example in the hope that it really clears up what I am trying to share here about micro-decisions.

I know an equestrian who has very high aspirations, she works hard, she shows up consistently in relation to her riding, her horse care, her own fitness, etc. and yet every time she entered a competition, about a week or two out, one or two of the competition horses would get injured and suddenly be unable to compete.

This happened over and over again. One day while experiencing considerable frustration as it had just happened again, she shared this with me.  I asked for more information and details, and it turned out that leading up to competition, she would usually begin feeling more pressured and stressed and

as she tried to fit everything in relation to that on top of what she would normally fit in her week, which was already full. Then in an effort to ease that stress, she would put her horses into larger areas together, whereas they would usually be next to each other but have separate paddocks.

This change activated the horses natural play fighting and other instinctive behaviours, and they injured each other. This micro decision that she consistently made under these circumstances was actually the problem. Before our conversation she had started to wonder if she was self-sabotaging, you know, she was looking for other possible explanations, she had not been able to see the impact that the small seemingly helpful decision was having. Now needless to say, after our conversation, she no longer makes those decisions and at her next competition, the horses remained uninjured, and the competition went well.

This is just one example of how difficult it can be to see a problematic micro decision, especially because in the moment they often seem so helpful. I want to help you recognize when a micro decision is actually the problem.

Keep an ear out for when you're sharing your frustrations with others about what keeps going wrong. You will hear yourself saying sentences or words like, suddenly or this always happens, or I work so hard I don't understand. Of course, there are many others, but these are the ones that I hear a lot.

Have you ever heard the saying, it's like finding needles in a haystack? I'm sure you have. The smaller something is, the harder it is to find, you know, amongst other things that look a lot like it, or are slightly bigger and over shadow. Seeing a small decision in a big picture is a bit like that. You really need to kind of separate it all out and intentionally look for the little decisions that fit a certain criteria, which is usually "making it easier in the moment". They will be during the times that feelings like pressure, busy or rushing are in play.

This is part of the human experience. This is because the human motivational triad is to seek pleasure, avoid pain or discomfort, and make minimal effort. It makes complete sense that we make micro decisions in this way. But looking at our micro decision process can provide us with helpful information that supports us to figure out how to achieve our goals or create the results and/or the daily experience we want.

It can help us discover how we might be unintentionally getting in our own way and therefore interfering with our ability to reach our potential.

Now I know for myself when I began to look at my micro decisions, it shocked me to realise that the results that kept happening that I genuinely thought were out of my control were actually due to micro decisions I was making. At the time I made them, they seemed so inconsequential and actually so beneficial in the moment because they provided me with some relief.

Now look, I bring this up at this time of year because Christmas is a time that comes with pressure and stress in the build up to some well-earned holidays or days off. Christmas and the holiday season is a prime time for unhelpful micro decisions. We spend more than we can afford, eat too much, maybe drink too much.

All of these little decisions or micro decisions feel good in the moment, feel like good fun and like no big deal, right? But later add up to the result of weight gain, feeling hungover, being maxed out on credit cards. Then we blame Christmas. We hear sentences like "this always happens at Christmas time" and then we begin to dread Christmas each year.

When we are caught up in trying to make the moment that we are in easier for ourselves, trying to alleviate some of the discomfort or stress, and especially if our current experience is already hard it is human nature to make a decision that is easiest in that moment.

I know it's hard to hear that we are creating the results that we don't want as much as we create the results that we do want. But given we are the lead character in nearly every circumstance in our own lives, chances are it is a micro decision that we are making somewhere along the line that is getting in the way of whatever it is we actually want.

If this has created some awareness for you regarding a micro decision that you have made that had an unwanted consequence, it is human to begin giving yourself a hard time. Don't. Just don't. That will just add misery. Awareness is the beginning of all change, so it's great that you've noticed it. Accept it for what it is a past version of you and move forward with a plan for how the future version of you will notice the moments in your day when you are vulnerable to making these kinds of micro decisions that have bigger impacts than we realize in the moment.

I really encourage you to show compassion for yourself, particularly at this time of year. Because when we first start looking at ourselves and the part we're playing in all of it, it is hard. Self-responsibility is hard, especially emotional, and experiential responsibility. This is because we've all grown up primarily socialized to believe that we are responsible for other people's emotions and experience and that they are responsible for ours. Neither is true nor helpful in the adult world.

As we begin to question and shift this kind of deep-seated, learned belief, we can genuinely feel a little bit disorientated. But it does pass as new knowledge and new understanding replaces it. So please be kind and patient with yourself and others over this Christmas and New Year holiday season because this is the time of year where old habits, old behaviours, old beliefs are very likely to be triggered.

Take care, have a wonderful Christmas and New Year my friends. See you later.

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