Inner dialogue
If you would prefer to listen to the podcast, click here.
Welcome to you all, if you don’t already know me, my name is Pam, I am the founder and CEO of Pam Poole Self-Discovery coaching. My website is www.pampoole.co.nz I specialise in Self-Discovery coaching for woman, because I know how easy it is for woman to lose themselves, to forget what they like and enjoy, because we are socialised to put others wants and needs first. However, this socialisation results in us living inauthentically.
My own journey has emphasised to me how getting to know ourselves is the key, literally the solution to everything we think is wrong with ourselves and our life.
My hope for this podcast is to encourage you all to get curious about you, what matters to you, what you want, what you hope, dream, and plan is for the future and introduce you to the future you.
Ok, lets talk about the inner dialogue.
What do conversations with yourself look like, how do they leave you feeling? Is it just a one-way conversation, so more like a lecture or is it a community where everyone has something to say whether it is there business or not.
Everybody’s internal dialogue and conversations look a little different, but one thing that psychology has learnt is that no matter what the conversation looks or feels like, it is being offered by the brain as a way to help us.
Our brains idea of help is to offer thoughts that hold you back & keep you in the known, because this is where the brain believes we are safe and most likely to survive.
It doesn’t matter how much we have evolved and changed as humans this base survival instinct trumps everything else.
Psychology also offers that the different parts of ourselves or as psychology calls it “The internal family system (IFS)” is made up of yourself at different times in our lives, as we have downloaded other people’s beliefs & thought systems and applied them to ourselves, as we grew and developed from dependent humans (babies & children) through to becoming an adult and less dependent on others for our survival.
You might have noticed how quickly fearful and critical thoughts come up for us in internal dialogue, because these sentences were offered to us as children by those, we were dependent on to keep us safe. Our brain has learnt this as a safety strategy.
Here’s the thing though, unless you see your thoughts for what they are, just words and sentences you have learned to assist you to understand and make meaning we tend to treat those thoughts as if they are true, we don’t question if they are still valid, were ever true or if they are serving us.
We treat our inner dialogue as if we have no control over it, give it power, as if it is in charge, when in truth we are in charge.
We are not our thoughts. There was an us before words and sentences. We weren’t born thinking words and sentences; we learned those skills.
When we first hear this, it can feel confusing, like how is that possible, “what do you mean we are not our thoughts” no one else is thinking them, right!
I am not saying you don’t own your thoughts, that they are not a piece of the puzzle that is you, I am saying just like you wouldn’t point at your foot and say “my foot is who I am” as if your foot reflects who you are, your personality etc, neither do your thoughts.
They are just a part of your development, your growth, a very changeable part.
Just like you can choose what shoes to wear to support your feet, and through trial-and-error you figure out what shoes and socks you most like, which ones best support your feet, depending on what you are doing, so it is for our thoughts.
We can choose our thoughts and beliefs; through trial and error we can decide what beliefs and thoughts serve us and which don’t depending on the context or circumstances we are navigating.
This is why journaling can be so helpful, most of us don’t write a letter to ourselves and then upon reading it get upset, no we instinctively understand when we read, that these are just words and sentences.
When we can come to grips with the truth of internal dialogue we can stop resisting, fighting, judging it, we can accept it for what it is just learned words and sentences being used by our brain in an attempt to keep us safe, once we do that then we are able to ask the helpful question…
Why does my brain think I need its help in this way right now? What is happening in my life right now that is triggering this internal dialogue?
The brain will then offer us information related to our inner state. When I last experienced this process and asked this question, it was because I was expanding my comfort zone, I was having some doubts about whether this was for me or not, questioning my commitment.
Upon seeing this it made complete sense to me that my brain would be offering me critical, guilt triggering and judgemental internal dialogue because I learnt as a child that when I wasn’t allowed to question or change my mind, I was talked to this way, disapproved of etc It would stop me doing what I was doing or planning to do and I take a metaphorical step backwards, try to make myself small and insignificant so I didn’t upset anyone.
This knowledge allowed me to feel compassion for my inner dialogue, it allowed me to offer reassurance to myself that nothing has gone wrong here, I am just out of my comfort zone, in a growth zone and I know how to look after myself in this place, I have the skills and resources to keep moving forward during this experience.
A little self-reassurance can go a long way and changes our inner dialogue to supportive which is essential to having the courage to change and/or moving forward. 😊
If you would like to know more about this or any other topic my website is www.pampoole.co.nz, I would love for you to go and have a look and book a free no obligation enquiry call so we can chat in person.
Thanks again for listening, I appreciate you. Have a great week and take the time to ask yourself “what do I think?”, “what is true for me in this moment?”
Bye for now.
