Keep it in context.

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If you don’t already know me, my name is Pam, I am the founder and CEO of Pam Poole Self-Discovery coaching. If you would like to know more about me my website is www.pampoole.co.nz I specialise in Self-Discovery coaching, because I believe we are the one common denominator in our life, we impact and influence every situation, circumstance, person, interaction. To live our best lives, to have the best possible experience we need to know ourselves and then decide if that is who we want to be moving forward and if not change.  This is easier said than done, I certainly would not be living my dream life without the help of numerous coaches, memberships, and other support.

Today I want to talk to you about the importance of asking for information that helps us identify context. In Psychology, context refers to

·         The background stimuli that accompany some kind of foreground event.

·         The situation or circumstances in which our experience occurs.

·         The place and possibly time of our experience.

·         The societal norms and structures that influence individual behaviour in social situations.

Context more often than not influences how we and other people interpret what they see.

Context is the circumstances that form the setting for an experience, event, statement, or idea, and in terms that it can be fully understood.

Context provides the framework for making sense of information, situations, and interactions.  It not only help us to avoid misunderstandings, but it also help us to make better decisions, and navigate the complexities of relationships and our world effectively.

Recognising and considering context is a fundamental life and relational skill that encourages open communication, problem solving and critical thinking.

Context provides the information, circumstances, and framework within which we make sense of something.

Understanding and acknowledging the context in which something is occurring supports creative thinking, and innovative solutions, it allows us to see problems from different angles and develop a unique approach.

As an example, having historical context helps us to understanding how society, culture, events, and upbringing has evolved over time and shaped our present, without it we would not be able to understand our current circumstances, or behaviour. 

Context is not an excuse; it is simply information.

Many of us have heard about a thought process called- “generalisation”, psychologists and therapist use this term. This is when we take one piece of information or understanding, concept or experience and use it to explain other things, that are not always relatable, so out of context, we even do this to ourselves. 

We make one mistake and then describe ourselves as a person who makes mistakes – no context just a generalisation.

This is a normal part of human behaviour and human thought processes, and like most things when used in balance and within context generalisation can support flexibility, learning and self-efficacy.

Horses for example generally take between 3 – 5 exposures to an expanse of water before they generalise that water is the same everywhere, until then they think it is only specific to the area in which they are in. However, even once they have generalised the idea of an expanse of water because they are very present and live in the here and now, they consider the whole context of the experience they are in moment by moment, so they accept the water is still just water, but notice that the noises are different, or the people are different etc., allowing the response to any given moment to be relative to the context it is happening in.  This is why I provide Equine Emersion coaching, because one of the things horses can teach us is how to be present. I am not saying horses never appear to over-react based on human criteria, but certainly the horse believes his response is appropriate and in context.

Human children, however, and particularly if a flight or fight response has been part of a previous experience, could have one experience of water and generalise that to mean all water is unsafe/safe, as opposed to assessing each expanse of water individually within the context it is being experienced before deciding.  

This is what can happen in relation to beliefs or thought processes we learn in the context of being a child, we often bring them into the context of being an adult and don’t question if they are still applicable, or relatable.  Used out of context it can lead to us behaving in ways that cause us unnecessary suffering, particularly in our relationships with ourselves and others.

The most obvious place to observe this in ourselves is in our self-talk.

So as a child we may have been told we were clumsy, but no one has provided us with any context as to why they thought that, so we take it and label ourself as clumsy. As an adult because we believe we are clumsy, we never question why we keep banging into things or bump into people, it is a self-fulfilling belief. Eventually we might ask our parents why am I are so clumsy, and they say, “that was before you got glasses”. The context changes the interpretation and the conclusion.

Context assists us to get closer to the facts.  For example, many of us give ourselves a hard time when we make a mistake, we think “we shouldn’t” or that it means we are “stupid”. Yet, everyone makes mistakes sometimes for any number of reasons, that is the truth, it is a normal part of the human experience, that’s the truth, there is no growth or learning without mistakes, that is true, so of course we will make mistakes sometimes, especially in the context of being tired, distracted, or trying/learning something new.

Considering context supports a more helpful perspective, more balanced, more open, context is the grey in the spectrum of black and white.

The next time you happen to notice unhelpful self-talk, or unhelpful thinking see if you can discover the context under which it was created and check if that applies or is relative to the context of the current situation or circumstances.

If you would like to know more about this or any other topic my website is www.pampoole.co.nz, I would love for you to go and have a look and book a free no obligation enquiry call so we can chat in person.

Thanks again for listening, I know I say it every week, but I really do appreciate your time and attention. Have a great week and remember the relationship with yourself is the longest and most important relationship you will ever have because it affects everything else in your life.

Bye for now. 😊