Decision Doubt
We all experience uncertainty and/or anxiety at some point, it is a big part of the human experience. I admit I experience both more often than I would like and sometimes there are periods where I get to experience these at least once a day.
Sometimes it is fleeting and other times it eats away at me and brings on an explosion of self-doubt. You might be wondering why I pick on these particular feelings; it is because for me at least these are the three that have the biggest impact on my ability to make decision.
I find experiencing these feelings very unsettling and uneasy. When we experience self-doubt, we tend to judge ourselves, criticise ourselves and make it mean something about us as a person. When we experience uncertainty, we tend to blame things outside of our control and look outside ourselves for a solution, wanting to change the circumstances. Anxiety tends to leave us stuck.
Of course, these feelings are connected to how we are thinking about whatever, circumstance, situation, or moment we are in. The previous version of me used to think uncertainty meant I couldn’t make a decision and Self-doubt meant I wasn’t good enough. Anxiety meant I was a coward. I was taught that anxiety meant there was something wrong with me a sign of weakness. I was taught there were right and wrong feelings.
Of course, I now know that there is no such thing as a right or wrong feeling, that feelings are physiological responses in our bodies, and once we have a feeling there is no getting rid of it, the only healthy way to manage any feeling is to allow our bodies to feel and process it. When we do that, it is like water quietly evaporating, little by little it gets smaller, shifts, and moves until it is gone.
Long term of course we can help ourselves by questioning our current thoughts and beliefs about our feelings and choosing what we want to believe. I now believe that uncertainty simply means I need more information and self-doubt means I need more time, anxiety means proceed with caution. These very different beliefs about my feelings allow me to move more easily through challenges.
When I think as I do now there is no judgement, just acceptance, there is no self-criticism, just compassion and patience. There is no rush, it feels messy as I move through this process and because of that a little uncomfortable but I support myself as I would support my husband, adult children, friends, and clients.
From this place I make thoughtful decisions that are considerate and align with my values, the results are always better.
So, if you agonise over your decisions, either spending hours trying to make one, procrastinating, asking every man and his dog about it, or staying stuck because you are afraid you will regret it down the road, it helps to know what your thoughts are about your feelings and what your top 3 values are in the particular situation or set of circumstances you’re in.
Considerate, thoughtful and as kind as possible for all involved are the ones, I apply in relationship challenges.
What do you think your feeling means and what is it trying to tell you, Identify the values, orient toward them, and align the decision with those values.
Have a great week, my friends.
Thanks for reading. If you would like to learn more, I would love for you to visit my website www.pampoole.co.nz
