Hi, I’m Pam, a Certified Life Coach, I help women navigate the “messy middle” figure “it” out, live their best life, stress less and discover what's next. To move through the ups and downs of life & significant change with more ease.
A messy middle, a shake up or I what I sometimes call “the river of misery” is part of the human experience, life doesn’t play favorites so and as life happens it is inevitable that it will offer an experience that invites personal growth, stretches our comfort zones and our windows of tolerance.
When this happens, we begin to question everything, confusion, self-doubt and uncertainty rises, and so can anxiety, we can become overwhelmed and stuck.
This is often the first sign you are entering a period of significant change. I help women between the ages of 30 and 65 understand, accept, navigate and move through these times and life more easily, with less stress and suffering. To come out the other side better off for the experience, with a renewed sense of purpose and confidence.
There are times in our lives that we begin questioning ourselves, our relationships and our life choices in a way we have never done before, dissatisfaction and curiosity can rise up. We begin to ask ourselves questions like, “is there more to life"?”, “what’s next?”, “what else is there?”, “am I on the right path?”.
When clients first come to me, they share their discomfort, a sense that something is missing and a sense of urgency.
They share their feelings of uncertainty about the future and the increase in the amount of worry and anxiety.
The most common thoughts my clients share sound like, “I don’t understand”, “I never used to”, “I just want to enjoy my life”, or some other statement that fuels fear of the unknown.
We always have our first meeting via a free 20 min “let’s talk”. Sometimes this is all a person needs; sometimes understanding and acceptance of what is happening and some helpful tips on how to move forward is all a person needs. Other times a client will decide they would like a longer coaching relationship because of how much just 20 minutes helped.
Client story: One of my clients came to me feeling stuck and overwhelmed. Her husband had passed a couple of years back, he had taken care of everything, and she was now having to manage everything on her own and learn skills she had never previously needed to have. She felt lost, indecisive and anxious. She didn’t know how to put herself first or know what she wanted because all her decisions had been made for the benefit of others, she had grown up believing others come first, that their wants and needs were more important than her own and never been in a position where her wants and needs were able to come first, where there was no one else to consider. She wanted to make the most of the opportunity but had no idea what she liked and struggled to give herself permission, feeling guilty and ashamed about not putting someone else first, of even thinking about doing what she wanted.
This is a common experience for more women than not, however in 8 sessions she had changed this limiting belief, gained the skills to continue supporting herself to move forward in a way that gave her permission to make her wants and needs a priority, booked a trip off a lifetime overseas, and returned to engaging in a much love activity she used to do in her early twenties.
Coaching supports awareness, purpose, intention, knowing yourself, change and results.
These all support you to build closer relationships, experience more satisfaction and pleasure in your life.
Going it alone can be tougher than it needs to be. Fumbling around in the dark, trying to figure it out, not knowing if we are on the right path. Having access to someone in life who understands the process, the journey and can reassure you as you find your way is essential to avoiding unnecessary suffering.
I’ve fumbled, done it the hard way, taken a longer route than I needed. I experienced unnecessary suffering because of it, I am passionate about helping women to move through the messy middle with more ease.
I can help you understand what is happening to you, to feel less stressed, to feel calm and gain perspective.
I am available to talk about what’s happening to you, just click the “Let’s talk” link below.
Going through the messy middle and other significant changes or challenges often activates reflection and stress as we humans consider aging, menopause, mortality, our purpose, and many other big questions.
Big or significant questions can trigger high levels of internal conflict, and uncertainty, a sense of not really “knowing ourselves” or feeling a bit lost can creep in.
This is for you…
If you are at a place in your life where you are feeling like everything is changing and thinking thought’s like “I just want to enjoy my life”, “there has got to be more to life”, an underlying sense of urgency has entered your life, or a sense of something is missing or lacking nags at you.
If you have noticed brain fog and confusion, an inability to think straight, and that making decisions fills you with anxiety that you didn’t use to have.
If you can relate to any of this or are feeling a loss of direction or a crisis of confidence I can help.
If this is you, I know it doesn’t feel good, you wouldn’t choose to feel this way for all the money in the world, but I promise you, this is normal and with a little help can be one of the most rewarding times of your life.
I have been where you are, and I know this will be hard to believe but everything is ok, nothing has gone wrong.
Would you like to choose how to use normal challenging times in life as a chance to rediscover your passions, and purpose, to build closer connections and have more fulfilling experiences, to stress less & enjoy life more!
A little bit about me
My first experience of huge personal growth was activated by a series of normal events happening at the same time. had just had my 30th birthday, was in the middle of a marriage break up after 7 years, had a young child and had entered a new relationship alongside training in a trade.
The next period of significant change that activated a period of uncertainty was my 50th birthday, coinciding with perimenopause, I was moving house after 12 years, changing my work location from Christchurch to Rolleston, again a few normal changes happening close together.
There have been smaller less significant times also, but these were big and where having help of a Life Coach had I known they existed at the time would have been a game changer.
During these particular experiences I struggled to think straight, felt more anxious than normal, resisted, tried to avoid, got busy, withdrew, dismissed and ignored my feelings. I told myself “It just stress”, told myself “to pull myself together”. I judged myself, crticised myself and added a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering to the experience.
I worked in a high-pressured job at that time for the Department of Corrections that was so full on I was able to ignore myself, but my stress level was through the roof, I had never been taught to manage it, how to reduce it, or the contribution my thoughts and beliefs had to it. So, I ignored it all, of course I know now what was happening.
I felt this sense of urgency that I had never had before, felt unhappy, irritable, not my usual self. I didn’t like it, and yet because I believed my circumstances and other people were to blame for my feelings and they were unchanged I didn’t understand why my experience had.
I finally was so miserable I went looking for help and I came across a Life Coach who worked with riders and began engaging with her on a weekly basis and then found a prestigious US based Life Coach School and began weekly sessions with them eventually deciding to train and become certified as a Life Coach through their school.
Of course, each person is different and there is a lot more to my story, but this was life changing for me, and the beginning of a new chapter.
Sarah B says: “I know that the help that you have given me has prevented me from being overwhelmed by some of the issues and able to keep a more healthy perspective. I feel so much more confident about making decisions that allow me to acknowledge my own needs as well as those of others.
Kourtney S says: “Although I found much of our sessions very confronting, I can confidently say I gained so much from our discussions. Your advice and tools have continued to be repeated in my mind in various situations since and have been very useful. I feel like I am in a better mental and emotional space at work, and you helped me to realise my worth in my role. I also am putting more emphasis on myself and spending more time with my family, focusing on quality time with my kids.”
Janene P says: “You’ve made such a difference, Pam, although the same stuff is happening at home, I am dealing with it much better. So helpful, Thanks a million.”
Kate R: Thank you so much!
“Working with you changed my life. I was grieving the loss of my dad and burnt out from a job I loved all while starting my own business. It was a busy time and from the moment I met you, I knew there was a way forward through a difficult time.
You helped me to find the solutions to problems as they arose, as well as advising me on long standing issues. I was able to dive deeper into who I am as a person, what I value and recognise patterns I wanted to break through and managed due to your support.
I highly recommend you to everyone, having coaching with you was life changing it was like having a counsellor, best friend, confidant and wise owl all in one!"
Dyane Y says: “What I have spent years trying to figure out on my own and with counsellors you have helped me figure out in just 2 weeks, it’s amazing”.
Dallas H says: “Pam thank you for all the support, understanding and time you have given me to discuss whatever I feel is the highest priority on my list. I appreciate how you guide me to my own conclusions and the patience you show when teaching and reinforcing skills that nurture my mindset and thought processes into a more positive, healthy and helpful relationship with myself.