Awareness + questions = change
When I was first introduced to Self-discovery coaching in my own life, I fell into the trap of thinking it was all about changing my thoughts and using it to try and “fix” myself. I didn’t realise back then that I felt broken, but I did, and this is what initially drove my use of the thought work involved in coaching.
I’ve come a long way since then. I call it thought work because we are using our ability to think constructively, to question, reflect and to analyse, to look at our life, thoughts, feelings, behaviour etc so that we can better understand and support ourselves to become authentic. Then we can truly create the life we want for ourselves and those we share our life with.
In the beginning I was constantly on the look out for things that were wrong with me so that I could fix them, and it left me feeling lacking and overwhelmed. One of the things my Coach at that time said to me was, “you’re not a problem to be solved” and in that moment I realised what I was doing and why the work was a struggle. It is difficult to show care and compassion for anything we perceive is a problem, usually as humans we just want problems to go away. This was a huge moment for me.
My Coach helped me move from a problem-solving mindset towards myself into a curious mindset.
I wanted to share this with you today because the awareness and knowledge gained in self-discovery coaching is incredibly powerful, but like many things in life you can use it for your benefit or against yourself and only you can know which you are doing.
When facilitated skilfully, and wisely with knowledge, patience, and compassion it moves us forward into new possibilities, into new experiences that offers a change in perspective and provides clarity. It feels expansive, a bit scary, open, and creative. Even the shitty is a better feeling shitty.
The process that Self-discovery coaching activates happens naturally throughout our lives, it is part of the evolution process, most of us just don’t notice it. It starts the minute you notice something, a thought, feeling, action or result and ask yourself a question about it. For example, I believe all feelings have a message, so when I notice a feeling, I find it helpful to ask myself “what is this feeling trying to tell me?” or “why is this feeling here?”, my answers might offer me information that leads me to think differently. I may have previously thought “feeling fear means I’m a coward” and afterwards think ‘feeling fear means I might want to check I am safe” these different thoughts offer very different experiences of the same circumstance.
Whenever someone makes a significant change in their life, intentionally or not it is because they have questioned themselves and as a result changed their thinking. When ever something new is invented, it is because someone has noticed a current result and questioned its limits, which has opened possibilities that have triggered a new way of thinking.
The key ingredient is the questions and how they are asked matters very much. Curiosity is one of the essential ingredients.
There is no avoiding the problems of life, or the unpredictability of life. Even the best life ever has problems and unexpected challenges in it they just look different. Changing something doesn’t allow us to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions or to avoid responsibility.
However, gaining awareness is the beginning of all change and it is the only way to get to know ourselves so we can be authentic. Awareness allows us to choose, and to live consciously and when we do that life feels more rewarding because we are choosing how we experience life and all its challenges and unpredictability. We treat life as if it is happening for us rather than to us and that feels very different.
