Do you ever feel like you are metaphorically drowning?
Do you ever feel like you are metaphorically drowning, this is what overwhelm feels like for me, I suspect I am not the only one.
When I was younger, I actually did nearly drown at a beach called Taylors Mistake in Sumner. I was about 7 years old, and I got caught in a rip. My father was not a strong enough swimmer to save me, but fortunately there was a Lifeguard on duty at that time and although I don’t remember him saving me, I awoke on the beach to the lifeguard leaning over me, and my siblings faces staring at me. This physical sensation of this memory always comes back to me when I feel overwhelmed and so it really does feel like drowning to me.
I think we all experience overwhelm at times in our lives, and I don’t know anyone who enjoys it; however, I think I tolerate it really well so as I got to know myself, I became aware that I actually experienced it more that I had realised simply because I was so desensitised to it, I think because of that drowning experience.
What I have noticed most about feeling overwhelmed is that it rarely has anything to do with what is actually happening and is more about how much I am thinking about everything, often thinking about the same things, not in a ruminative way but in a second-guessing type of way, which I think is pretty common for most woman. We are often taught from an early age that other people know best, we are literally taught not to trust ourselves. I think it is this lack of trust in our decision-making abilities that causes a lot of over thinking and leads to feelings of overwhelm.
I have also noticed that overwhelm sneaks in whenever I am considering taking action that requires me to take risk, such as the risk of being judged or doing something I have never done before and the next minute I experience a bit of a freeze response. This has come up for me this week as I start taking the actionable steps of setting up and creating a membership portal. No judgement, yes, I am a Life Coach, but I am also a human and no amount of Life Coaching will allow anyone to avoid having a human experience 😊 What it does allow me to do is manage the human experience in a way that is helpful, expansive and authentic and it allows me to minimise and at times avoid unnecessary suffering.
Back to my story, I have sought advice and direction from those who have gone before me, who have already had experience setting up memberships, but in my brain, it is a big step and I have never done anything like it before. One of the most unhelpful thoughts my brain wants to offer me is “I have no idea what I am doing”. On the surface this seems fairly reasonable and true, but actually I set up my own website from scratch and it is very similar to doing that. My brain wants to insist that it is different, and I remind it that it isn’t, but I understand that from my brains perspective it sees risk and it is trying to keep me safe by stopping me from taking action and overwhelm definitely achieves that.
When I feel this way there are a couple of questions that I want to share with you that I find helpful to ask myself, the first one is “If this feeling of overwhelm could speak what would it say?”. The second question is “how can I best support myself through this feeling?”
These two questions apply to most feelings and when asked from a place of authentic compassion and curiosity usually help me to find clarity and to move forward. So, if you find yourself experiencing a bit of overwhelm or maybe some other feeling that leaves you feeling stuck take a breath, show yourself some authentic self-care, give yourself time and attention, really listen to yourself, get curious about how you are feeling or what you are thinking and why.
Not only will you begin to get to know yourself better, but you will also begin to build inner resources that support agency, self trust and authenticity.
