Have you ever?

Have you ever noticed how you talk to yourself; how quick you are to judge or criticise yourself.  This is something we all do to varying degrees. 

You have all probably heard the saying “Treat others how you want to be treated”, well I believe we need to treat ourselves the way we treat others, because in my world anyway I tended to always treat other people better than I treated myself. 

If someone else made a mistake I would say “all good, or no worries”, but if I made a mistake, I treated myself like I committed a felony. I have had enough conversations about this stuff to know I am not the only one who has had this experience.

Society and traditional education taught us we were never good enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not special enough.  We were taught to measure ourselves against a grade and other people’s expectations which we have no control over.

The thought processes and words used to motivate us and teach us these lessons “for our own sake” and to prepare us for the “real world” we never questioned.  We just accepted them and started using them to motivate ourselves.

The cost was a supportive, compassionate, and patient relationship with our-selves. You may or may not have heard this before “our relationship with others is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves”.  I am not talking about how we treat them I am talking about how we think about them and judge them.

What do you think about the other important people in your life, do you think they put others or work before their family, do you criticise any of their choices, do you notice what goes wrong or what you don’t like more easily and more often than what you do like, because chances are you do this to yourself relating to similar areas. 

When you make a mistake do you call yourself “stupid” bet you wouldn’t call some-one else that (not to their face anyway), you might think it and then feel bad about it. The areas we notice and criticise or judge in others are often areas in our own lives that we feel vulnerable or lacking.

We are also likely to use similar thinking in relation to our horses.  “Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, no, no, no!” (Song lyric) The great news is that now we know, how we have been feeling and what’s been happening all makes sense.  We can be on the lookout for it. Start with just noticing, no need to rush and change anything, just observe your thoughts get to know yourself and understand these are just default learning they mean nothing about you.  As you feel some compassion for yourself notice what changes in your horse. Mine became softer, more relaxed.

If you have ever had the privilege of witnessing a horse being trained with patience, understanding and kindness you will have seen for yourself how much more willing they are to learn, how much more relaxed they stay through the process and how much more quickly they learn as opposed to when they are rushed, or the learning is strictly transactional and about control.

Well, it is the same with us, so next time you notice your feeling a lack of confidence or disheartened you might find it helpful to check in with how you are talking to yourself because for sure it won’t be serving you.

Until next week.

From Pam and her team (horses) have a good one.