Future imaginings
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Future imaginings, I want to talk to you all about a conversation I had with my daughter earlier today because I realised as we were talking that what we were discussing is likely a problem for many of us, it is a very common human experience.
All of us spend time thinking about our future, sometimes intentionally, sometimes without awareness, and those thoughts for some of us are in the form of pictures beautiful imaginations, and/or words, sentences, essentially, they are stories.
We think about who might be involved and how amazing all of that would be, we see ourselves smiling, others around us happy for us and smiling, but what's interesting is that when we do these musings about our future because of those images and those thoughts we are having about it we will also get a feeling or emotional, physiological response in our bodies to those musings and often we don't notice that, and yet this is where the information is that we need to know.
Do we feel drawn towards it, do we feel repulsed by it, do we have any desire for it, or actually is there a part of us that's a little afraid of what that might look like. We all have these musings on and off regularly, but we don't stop and actually uncover them, really look at them and look at the feeling response that we have to those goals, desires or future possibilities and bring it into detail.
It is so important that we do that, because how we feel when we think about those details actually dictates the actions, the commitment, the determination, and the motivation we have in the here and now regarding the steps moving towards that vision or goal. It also determines the quality of those steps.
I know for myself I want a successful coaching business and equine well-being business but whenever I really get a vision or have a lot of thoughts about that there's a part of me that experiences a little bit of dread because I think there's going to be a lot of expectation, it requires a lot of hard work and commitment, I'm getting older and all of these thoughts (along with many others) join in and so I actually don't want it as much as I want to want it.
I used to believe if you really want something then taking action is easy, I’d let nothing stand in my way, I realise what I was also stating by omission was, if I found taking action hard or I didn’t take the action I thought I should, it meant I didn’t want it enough. What a load of bollocks.
Here’s the truth, we think wanting something is black or white, we are taught or socialised to believe that we either want something or we don’t, we don’t question it and we go through life doubting we want something unless we want it 100%, but unless you are looking through rose-coloured glasses, we usually both want and don’t want something because every result is 50/50, even things we really want comes with its own cost, its own set of problems, a downside.
We get to choose the set of problems or the 50/50 of our lives or our experience, but it becomes hard to think clearly when we are trying to pretend that we want something 100% and ignore that there is a part of us that doesn’t want it. Our brain is not stupid, even if we don’t want to acknowledge it our brain knows “nothing is perfect” there is a downside, and that the percentage is more 70/30 or 60/40, ignoring it doesn’t change that.
Then because we are trying to avoid the “unwanting side” (yes it is not real English but I think we still all understand what I am saying) we find ourselves procrastinating, experiencing brain fog and overwhelm more often than necessary every step of the way. The journey to the result or goal becomes much more difficult than it needs to be, because inn response what happens in the now is even though we know what we need to do and have a lot of plans and a really good strategy we experience a lot of procrastination, a lot of brain fog and then we look at that and judge ourselves, telling ourselves “I don't understand” and make it mean something about us. We tell ourselves it must mean “we don’t really want it" or “we are not good enough”, or “there is something wrong with us”.
The truth is our brain is simply responding to a future vision and there's a part of our brain that doesn't want something about that vision. Our brain is offering confusion, procrastination and overwhelm to help us avoid something we don't want, it's actually trying to help; it's trying to be a friend. That is the brains function, to support us, but it needs supervision from us to do that effectively and helpfully.
What would likely be more helpful is to really look at the vision to see the desirable and undesirable of it and genuinely ask “are these details accurate?” if not what is likely more factual or closer to the truth and does that feel better or if it is “do I want this enough that I am willing to experience the other side of it and accept that there is a part of you that doesn’t want all of it and that’s ok.
Once the vision is clear and you are committed to the reality, the 50/50 of it, now you are in a position in the here and now to create the relationship you will need with yourself to take the steps, learn the skills, and build the strategies that support the future successful version of yourself within those likely circumstances. You get to decide ahead of time, who and what you will need, as part of the process and in those circumstances when they come to life which they inevitably if you are taking action towards that.
At this point it is also important to acknowledge that failure and or mistakes is part of the process, that any new endeavour starts with incompetence and builds from there. Here is where asking yourself if you are truly willing to fail, because every successful person, “someone who has achieved an ambition” has risked and likely experienced failure at some point. What is your relationship with the idea of failure, is it just a part of the process or is it a big deal, because your thoughts about failure will impact your journey.
Ask yourself, “how can I best support the future me right now?” or “how can I set it up so that the issues that concern me about this final detailed vision, are going to be less of an impact or more easily managed by me, how can I prepare myself in the now for that possibility and for possible feelings I might experience as a result.
If you notice that you're experiencing a lot of overwhelm, a lot of brain fog, a lot of procrastination in response to a big goal or something that you want for your life moving forward, the question to ask yourself is “what am I trying to avoid” or “why is my brain trying to help me avoid this”.
When it gets hard, when you are battling procrastination, overwhelm, anxiety in relation to taking actions towards your future goals, chances are you just haven’t acknowledge that the part of you that doesn’t want this is currently talking louder or getting more of your attention than the part of you that does want it. Remember, whatever the goal there is likely parts of the results you want and parts of the results you don’t want.
This is why the relationship with yourself is so important, because at the end of the day that's going to be what gets you through, what helps you navigate the challenges, because all of this is a conversation with yourself, all of this is brainstorming, strategy planning in a way that is right for you, unique to you and it requires knowing yourself and your brain.
Getting to know anything or anyone well takes time and that includes getting to know yourself. Building a healthy, helpful, trusting relationship with yourself is not a short journey, it requires ongoing commitment, and nurturing like any other skill or relationship. Ongoing consistent action. What that action looks like is up to you.
Okay people have a great week. Talk soon and take care.
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